I don’t know about anyone else but, at the very onset (or should I say onslaught?) of Covid-19 I had this feeling that it was not going to go gently into the night and just pass us by. No, as optimistically natured as I normally am, there was a voice inside me that said, Michelle, go purchase toilet paper… and I did. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t clean out the local grocery store, but I stocked up along with a few cases of Ensure and protein bars. Afterall, there are six of us in this house and four of them are 6’3” men!  Then the reality of it all set in… my husband began working from home and the college kids had to abandon their campuses and we realized we were encroaching on new territory; this was going to be a novel experience for everyone. Conference calls, zoom chats, college tests and assignments were being engaged in every room in the house. Text messages would ring out alerting everyone not to knock on certain doors because exams were in progress, task force meetings were taking place, and interviews were being conducted. You get the idea. Given my background as an executive coach in etiquette and protocol, I began seeing a pattern in the questions I was being asked. Questions ranged from, “How do I refuse a handshake?” to “How do I tell my boss that I am experiencing task saturation and I can’t be “on” seven days a week” to “How do I gracefully bow out of a virtual cocktail party when everyone knows that I am home?” Thankfully, I have the answers to these and other popular questions on my recent podcast linked below. My niece is the director of social media for the Arch Diocese of Washington D.C. and when she called to see if I was interested in talking about the do’s and don’ts of business etiquette during this time, I jumped at the opportunity to share some very useful tips! 

There are a few silver linings that have come from Covid-19: Families are spending more time together, there are dolphins in the canals in Venice, and husbands aren’t seeing nearly as many Target bags appear in their houses. For me, there has been the gift of time. I am honing my French skills, which I normally put on the back burner of my daily agenda.  I encourage everyone I speak with to pick a skill that will increase and improve their value proposition in the workplace when this is all over. (What we don’t want to do is binge watch episodes of The Office or Gilmore Girls, eat baked goods, and go back to the workplace five pounds heavier…seriously!)

In the past few weeks, the number one skill I have been asked to coach is the ability to use the phone effectively. Why? Well, because almost everyone under the age of thirty-five are texters. That means the art of conversation is not a skill that has been successfully developed. The good news is that this is a transferable skill and can easily be mastered.  In fact, a few years ago there was a world leadership conference that determined about eighty percent of millennials fear using the phone and would have a panic attack if that was part of their job description! If that sounds like you, please allow me to help you develop that skill during this time, so this time at home is productive for you. Learning to master the phone will be very liberating! You can’t believe how comfortable you can become and how much you can accomplish once you know the tricks and tips necessary for a successful call. It is often the difference between getting the job or not getting the job, closing the sale or not closing the sale, and getting someone to help you with something or walking away empty handed. Now, think of learning this phone skill in terms of that eighty percent I was talking about earlier… If eighty percent of millennials are threatened by this communication style, can you imagine the advantage you could have being in the twenty percent?!

I pray that all of you are safe and well in your homes as you read this and that the biggest inconvenience has been your lack of socialization and a dramatic reduction in your use of paper towels. Remember, this is a fantastic time to increase your skills and develop new ones – let me help! The podcast episode is linked below.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/60bi36Z6yoK3t0RaGNoPEX?si=6q8I-bM3THGmGwl1XoqAoQ

How to Be a Lady or a Gentleman in 2020

My hope is that we can each embrace the art and power of being a lady and gentleman and reap the benefits of knowing we are at our best because we have been intentional about becoming people of value and the very best versions of ourselves. And, how do we become the best version of ourselves? Through etiquette and protocol. The purpose of this blog is to help you become a person whose company is sought after and preferred!

Let’s face it: I can’t teach you everything about this topic in a short blog, but I can at least cover some of the basics and those are enough to get you started. There are no classes on how to be a lady or a gentleman in school or in the business place and yet, they are expected.

The reality is we love when we see a real lady or a real gentleman and when we see this behavior demonstrated in society, the inevitable result is admiration of character. One of the best modern-day examples is Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge. She is clearly very feminine, ladylike, and exhibits excellent etiquette and protocol. Note, however, that this does not prevent her from being taken seriously, being an excellent athlete, or having her own strong, confident voice. Part of what creates her mass appeal with both men and women is that she is simultaneously feminine and strong.

Ladies, here’s the short list for being considered a lady:

Dress appropriately for each occasion. What you wear to the pool, you do not wear to the office. What you wear to the gym, you should keep for the gym. Do not speak badly and gossip about others…ever. Be a person of character. Speak with confidence. Don’t add your two cents when someone else has the floor.  Keep makeup and accessories tasteful. Hair, especially in the workplace needs to be tidy and controlled. If you are prone to chipping your nail polish, either don’t wear it all or do as Queen Elizabeth and Princess Kate do… wear Essie light pinks and beiges. (Queen Elizabeth sports Essie’s “Ballet slipper” and has purchased 500 bottles!). If you chew gum, do not let others see it in your mouth. Become other-oriented. Listen. Never use bad language unless you are alone and then feel free to fire away. Lastly, regardless of your dress size, most women look their best with a dress that hits right below the knee. Shoes, purses, belts, and jewelry should always be elegant and understated. Even if you can’t afford the higher-end products, you can find very good knockoffs. Look at Pinterest, find looks that you like, and start hunting! Poshmark is a great app that is used by many high-end clients of mine.

Now, for the gentlemen:

Dress appropriately and always be clean, neat, and well-groomed. There is a difference between formal, semi-formal, business casual, and casual.  Hygiene ALWAYS matters. Show up on time. Be respectful. Do not use locker room talk or bad language. Be mature. If you ask a lady on a date, treat her like a lady (this means that you pay if you ask!). If you are in the office, never look at a woman in an inappropriate manner or make a comment that you wouldn’t make in front of your mother! Shoes need to be shined, belts need to be worn, clothes must always be wrinkle-free, and facial hair must be well-trimmed/groomed. Be honorable, loyal, and a man of good character. Hold the door for anyone behind you, not just a woman; that’s good manners.

The media has destroyed the image of what a gentleman looks like. They can’t decide if he should be a moron, lack morals, or be wearing an apron and pushing a vacuum. It must be very disheartening for men watching this type of role model. The modern man on TV has no manners. A true gentleman in today’s society is hard pressed not to feel old fashioned or like an ostentatious freak if they hold the door for a woman or pull out her chair. (There were specific reasons for those behaviors, by the way. Much of these behaviors related years ago to the clothes that women wore and the help they needed maneuvering through doorways). However, some men have decided, bravely, to be seen as gentlemen. David Beckham has recently been listed as one of the top thirty gentlemen of our time. He has transformed himself and opted for well-groomed hair, tailored suits and makes it known that he is all about his family. Tom Hanks is listed as one of the most beloved and generous friends to all in Hollywood along with Leonardo DiCaprio. We don’t need to nitpick about their politics or whether or not they are up for canonization; the point is that in public, they act respectfully, dress appropriately, and are well liked by all.

Stay tuned for future blogs relating to telephone etiquette, communicating via Zoom and Microsoft Teams. I would love to answer any questions you may have for me on my contact page!

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

— Aristotle

Folks, we are now several weeks into the New Year and that means we still have 48 weeks in 2020 to make the magic happen. Now, that’s my way of telling you that if you didn’t bother to create a self-growth plan for the New Year, or you dropped the ball already, it’s okay. What’s not okay is to do nothing! Here is what I suggest. Let’s become known for our excellence in our particular areas of expertise. Wouldn’t that be an incredible reputation to have at home and at work? You’re probably thinking, yeah, Michelle, but how do I become excellent at something?

First, assess your life at work and at home and make a list of what’s working really well, what’s not, and what you would like to change. Mediocrity is the product of coasting month after month and accepting that excellence is beyond your grasp. That’s just plain old sad. So, let me help you get some “right thinking” going on… Start with your professional life and ask yourself if you are happy and if not, why not? Are you being valued? Are you using your talents and skills? (There is a difference between talents and skills, by the way. Talents are those innate gifts that you were born with and skills are acquired.) Try to incorporate a blend of both and you will undoubtedly become very creative and valuable in the workplace. Next, look at your personal life and ask yourself if the relationships that mean something to you are being nurtured. How much are you depositing in the emotional bank account these days? Remember, it’s impossible to keep withdrawing and not depositing; eventually, you run out of funds! Acquire new information in your field. Stay current and ahead of the trends. READ. READ. READ.

Be selective about what you read and who you are listening to and ask yourself if this is a subject matter expert. Do your research. Personally, I want to read something and think BOOM!!! I want to be motivated to transform my thinking and my behaviors. Aristotle once said that excellence is an art won by training and habituation. He said we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act but a habit. Slow down. Work on the small details that end up being the big details. Now…time to start. If you are not sure where or how to begin and need a business coach, go to my contact page and we can start your journey together. No more excuses!